Sorry for the lack of posting. Life has been... stressful.

So at this point I'm 28 weeks pregnant. 11 weeks and a bit to go! But I am tired, so very tired. I'm not used to being this fatigued and life stress is just adding to the fatigue. I swear, if I got news tomorrow that my husband was employed I would be much more energetic!

That being said, I've slacked off on a couple of things. A few of them are truly unnecessary, but a few of them make me feel enough better on a daily basis that I'm able to tackle more.

Adderall used to be fairly optional. It's very much not. Caffeine used to be optional. Now I might as well hook myself up with a caffeine IV.

Today took both adderall and caffeine.

Turns out my morning makeup routine is also very, very necessary.

I don't know what it is about doing my makeup in the morning but it seems to put my mindset into "work" mode. Something about the ritual, about applying everything in the required order and cleaning the brushes afterward, is very calming. I need that bit of calm right now.

Should it be voluntary? Definitely. Is it at the moment? No, not really. It's one of those few things about life that I feel like I have complete control over.

So today I took back control.  I spent an hour and a half cleaning out the master bathroom and cleaning up my mess of makeup.

Are there other projects that really needed my attention, and were higher priority? Of course, there always are. But tomorrow I get to roll out of bed and walk through a messy bedroom into a bastion of peace and order with everything I need right there. If I do things right, I can do that every day.

That's definitely worth an hour and a half of work.

Not that I can afford it (now or anytime soon), but that doesn't keep me from wanting it:

This is why:


(from Tempatalia, who you really should be reading)

Wow that's gorgeous...

So in dealing with the year and a half (almost two years now) of hell, I've picked up some... interesting hobbies.

Anyone who knew me before we left for Idaho probably didn't see me as much of a girly-girl. In fact I had a distinct disdain for makeup, fashion, hosiery, and lingerie, especially the expensive kind.

Then when I started my job as a bank teller and started treating the ADHD I discovered the most dangerous gateway drug ever: eyeliner.

When your job consists of dealing with the public on a one-to-one basis face to face everyday for 5 minutes at a time, makeup becomes almost mandatory. When you have such a ready availability of customers and your job performance metrics depend on randomized surveys there's a huge incentive to try different things out to see if they help.

Turns out a moderate amount of eyeliner encourages others to look you in the eye, making for happier interactions on both sides and increasing customer satisfaction and trust.

Dark brown eyeliner (which Chris ordered for me, God bless Amazon) made my job much easier and more enjoyable.

The experimentation didn't stop there, of course. Contacts turned out to be very helpful. Some brighter colored clothing. Then a good haircut, a proper shade of lipstick, some good eyeshadow...

It only took me 30 years to get to the point I should have reached at the age of 15 or so. I'm just a little behind.

Makeup obsession and experimentation led to clothing obsession and experimentation, then shoe obsession (okay, that was already there) and clothing obsession...

Then the obsessions took a turn for the less obvious. The job performance boost I experienced from wearing makeup turned out to be next to nothing compared to the boost I experienced when the lingerie and hosiery obsession started.

Wait a second. Isn't this all about visible cues, about interacting with other people? Then how does something not visible to the customer become a boost?

Simple. The customer reaction to the makeup efforts only accounted for about half of the boost. The other half was due to my increased confidence.

Turns out NOTHING increases my confidence quite like well-fitting and pretty lingerie and hosiery.

The reaction it gets when Chris sees it is just a bonus.

True beauty may come from the inside, but the inside is certainly helped by efforts on the outside.

So sure, makeup and clothing and lingerie and hosiery obsession may seem like rather shallow pursuits, but the truth can be quite different. Striving for making the best of what I have improves my quality of life and happiness (and therefore the quality of life and happiness of my family) so much that I no longer think of good cosmetics and good clothing as a waste of money or time.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to look for more pretty additions to the collection.